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September 10, 2003

Hark, The Grudge… and lo, I wet myself.

— Posted by John Campea

juon.jpgTake your hand. Cover it with glass shards.
Now cram it up your butt.
Grab a hold of your stomach.
Squeeze until everything’s shredded to bits.
Now, while you’re doing that, have a truck drive through your face.

You’re now watching “The Grudge” a movie made to freak you so intensely, you’ll voluntarily crap your pants just to ease the tension.

The amazing planners of The Toronto Film Fest brought us “Ju-on: The Grudge” – a horror film from Japan, who’s films as of late, seems to (finally) be re-defining the genre here in North America. Ju-on: The Grudge is no exception as it’s the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen. No furthur comparison needed, that’s the end of the sentence.
–Remember that wildly freaky scene in “the Shining” with the two girls staring at the end of the hallway? Haunted you forever, right? — This show is an hour and a half of that scene on crack. Movies like this create those mumbling people who talk to buildings.

ANECDOTES ABOUT THE MOVIE YOU MAY NOT CARE ABOUT:
- It was first made in two parts for Television in Japan. It got popular, they made a movie, which I just saw.
- Sam Raimi (Army of Darkness and Spiderman) is making a re-make – working along side the original director and is currently filming it in Japan. Okay, enough of the boring stuff.

SOIL YOURSELF STUFF:
Where other scary movies are released and seem to say: “We have this amazing, full story that’s very creepy at times” – like The Others or Sixth Sense — Ju-on seems to say this: “You came for a Ghost story – which is what you’re going to get. So sit there while we shove your heart through your butt-hoop. Go.”

The world of Ju-on takes place in a house – go figure – and it’s haunted. That’s about it. we see “the rest of the world” here and there, but it seems 75% of the movie is just this house with one really ticked off entity and all of the colliding time-limes of all the innocent suckers that keep encountering it. ….
….And there’s this cat….
…and there’s this whacked out lonely kid….
…and they stare….
…and gnarl.. And they FRICKIN’ STARE AND STARE AND STARE .. And then you piss yourself… and then there’s screaming…oh the screaming… And this shadow covers EVERYTHING.. AND THESE EYES, YOU CAN SEE THESE EYES, AND IT CRAWLS THROUGH DEMENTIA AND THE DARKNESS MOVES YOU’RE GRABBED BY THE SHADOW AND THEY’RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND .. .. I … just…crapped myself.

You should really see this. I need a mop.

Turn up your volume (not just for effect, but the volume encoding is VERY quiet) and click here to watch the only sub-titled Trailer for it I could find.. (click the “Audio/Video Materials” tab on the page)

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