There are just some movie characters that make you, as a man, want to beat your chest and just let out a mighty “GGRRRRRR”. After watching one of their movies you just walk a little taller, you fear nothing, you perceive more women wanting you and you feel the call of the warrior rushing through your man veins.
Yes, each one of these characters is a Man’s Man, and we at TMB salute them all. Here now is our list of the Top 10 “Hell Yes I’m A Man” movie characters.
10) Tony Montana (Scarface)
The Godfather may or may not be a better overall film, but no question Tony Montana is Al Pacino’s crowning achievement as an actor. Brutal, driven, passionate. All these things and more. “Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women”. Damn right Tony… damn right. It’s insane how well this movie ages. Like The Godfather, it’s one of those movies that when people watch it for the first time they’re still blown away by it… and Tony is the main reason for that. GRRR!!!
9) Snake Plissken (Escape From New York)
The coolest man in the history of the planet to wear a patch over one eye who wasn’t a pirate. The role that Kurt Russell will probably always be most identified with. Snake will kick you in the balls just to say hello… even if he has to go into Manhattan to do it. “I got just one question. Which one of you assholes gets to die trying to stick me? ” Ok that was from Escape From LA, but it’s still Snake. Now that’s a name! Snake! You know you have to be bad ass to cary that moniker.
8) John McClane (Die Hard)
I don’t care if the rest of the day John McClane listens to Abba while trying on his latest order from Victoria’s Secret, drinking apple martinis while talking about the most recent fashion trends in France… when you have a gun fight against Austrian terrorists running barefoot over broken glass and yell out a line like “Yippee Kiay Mother Fucker” while whacking a bad guy like Han Gruber… YOU ARE A MAN’S MAN and deserve a spot on this list.
7) Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry)
Anyone today who calls another person a “punk” comes off sounding like a total knob… unless that person is Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood). The man’s eyes alone are enough to make you crap yourself 3 times before he says his first grisly sounding words, and may heaven help you if he decides to go for his piece. “Go ahead punk. Make my day” is a line that delivered by anyone else would be instantly forgotten… but from the divine lips of Dirty Harry, they become a part of our cultural lingo.
6) General Maximus Decimus Meridius (Gladiator)
I don’t know about you, but if I start giving someone a hard time and I bark at them to tell me their name… and they turn around, look at me square in the eyes and say “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” I’m offering my appologies for my rudeness and praying to the Roman gods that the dude let’s me walk out of there alive.
5) John J. Rambo (First Blood)
I remember as a kid watching First Blood for the first time, and seeing John J. Rambo sewing himself up after ripping a cut open while falling through the trees. That was the single most macho thing I had seen any character in any movie do at that point in my very young life. If life has taught me anything, it’s that you’ve got to be one tough sonofabitch to stand up to Brian Dennehy.
4) Conan (Conan The Barbarian)
You’re at a party, everyone is having a good time and you’re standing at the bar waiting for your next beer, so you decide to make conversation with the dude next to you by asking “Parties like this are the best parts of life… what do you think are the best things about life?” and he turns to you and responds “”To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of their women” then you are in the presence of a MAN. Back away bowing before his pure male awesomness.
3) King Leonidas (300)
When you’re king, and you have a body that looks like it was chiseled out of a mountain side, and you’re banging a woman like Lena Headey each night who refers to you as “My Lord and My King”… then you’re damn right you get to walk around in nothing but a lion cloth and there ain’t anyone who is going to say squat about it. THIS IS SPARTA! That dude can order soup in that yelling, Lion like roar of his and it would still sound wicked. I guess growing up in a kingdom where it’s cool to try to kill your kids just to see if they survive kinda helps.
2) Beowulf (Beowulf)
This was the guy who inspired this list. The man swims 5 days, kills 9 giant sea monsters and then still has the energy to bang a turned on Mermaid who watched him do it all. This my friends is a chest pounding, awe inspiring beast of a man. He represents what deep down all of us penis equipped people aspire to be. We all wish we could shout normal phrases in the third person with massive threatening conviction “I am John, and John demands 2 cheese burgers with a side of fries, or by Oden I shall strike you dead where you stand filthy dog”.
1) Spartacus (Spartacus)
You think you had it rough as a kid? Try growing up a slave in ancient Rome with the whip at your back. Bought and sold like an animal, trained to be a gladiator, forced to fight in the area… then saying “Enough of this shit”, and you rally all the slaves together and say “Let’s kick ass” and form an army that nearly topples the entire Roman Empire. Grrrrrrr baby! You’ll even kill your own best friend just so you can hang on a crucifix instead of them having to suffer through it. GGRRRRRRR!!!! Not to mention, Kirk Douglas is the single most manly man the world has ever known, and even at his current age and health he could beat the living crap out of you. All hail Spartacus! All hail Kirk Douglas! The most macho of us all!
