There is something that annoys all of the online film community, and that are films that are stuck in “developmental hell.” How many times have you read news about movies that you were excited to see years ago, and talked about to your friends, and still have yet to see them hit the big screen today? (Frustrating, ain’t it?) However, sometimes movies are well worth the wait. In fact when we follow the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ mentality, that’s when we actually get what we want. It took years for ‘Spider-man,’ ‘Super man Returns’ and ‘Sweeney Todd’ to hit the big screen. Also, just when we almost gave up hope, ‘Indiana Jones 4,’ ‘Sex and the City movie,’ and ‘X-files 2’ finally got out of development hell and fan boys and girls were able to rejoice.
So here are movies that I’m not holding my breath for, and hopefully they will get made one day. (However, some of them I gave up all hope for!)
1. MEG-How many of guys were waiting eagerly each summer for the arrival of this prehistoric shark movie? Jan De Bont was attached to direct this film and I was so psyched to see a new shark movie that sounded like it was going to blow ‘Jaws’ and ‘Deep Blue Sea’ out of the water. Unfortunately, the project got dropped, and although there’s STILL talk that it will happen, somehow I feel like I will have kids and have had gotten my tubes tied by the time this baby arrives in theatres.
2. Alice-I was 15 when I had heard that they were making a dark tale of Alice in the Wonderland based off the popular video game which would star Sarah Michelle Gellar. 8 years later, (yes, you can do the math if you want to find out my age :P) and Sarah Michelle Gellar is STILL attached to this project! If this movie is going to happen, I highly doubt that SMG will be Alice still, unless they drastically change the premise.
3. Evil Dead 4/Evil Dead Remake-I’m still one of those faithful fans that believe that ‘Evil Dead 4’ will be made. I hope to see Ash battle Candarian demons just one more time. However, there has been more talk about the remake, than the much demanded sequel. It has been years since we’ve starting hearing about numerous rumors about actors to play Ash. Ashton Kutcher, Sean William Scott, and even Wes Bentley were rumored to play the boomstick-wielding hero. (I still vote for Nicholas Brendon. Read my article as to why HERE.) If either one are coming to the big screen, I don’t think it will be for A LONG TIME. (So I guess you’re just going to have to stock up on the countless editions to the ‘Evil Dead’ series in the meantime.)
4. Inglorious Bastards/Vegas Brothers
I love Quentin Tarantino. He is one of the reasons why I love film in the first place. Despite the fact that of him being one of my idols, I can’t deny that he talks a lot sh*t in regarding his so called upcoming projects. When he first announced he was going to do a war film called ‘Inglorious Bastards,’ fan boys were ecstatic. I, myself was more interested in the rumored ‘Vegas Brothers’ project, that would be a spin off prequel to ‘Reservoir Dogs’ and ‘Pulp Fiction.’ However, since John Travolta and Michael Madsen are too old to play the roles now, and due to the fact Quentin has severe ADD, I don’t think we will see those projects PERIOD.
5. Buffy/Angel Movie– Four words. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. If you still find yourself wanting to know what happens to these characters, go buy the season 8 comics instead.
6. Scream 4– Yes, I have to admit, I’m a HUGE Scream fan. However, I was NOT a fan of the last installment. I felt so let down by how they decided to end the series. I also felt that if they had Kevin Williamson penning the script, the film would have been a lot darker and a lot scarier. For years, there has been talk about a sequel to ‘Scream 3.’ Last year, I got excited twice when I heard Neve “I don’t have a career anymore” Campbell in fact WANTED to reprise the role of Sidney Prescott. Unfortunately, most of the rumors have died down, as well as my anticipation for a new film. (Or so I say…:P)
7. True Lies 2-‘True Lies 2’ has been on my mind since I had first seen the original film. (That was 14 years ago!!!) I think it’s a sequel most Arnold fans wanted to see. It could be the comeback movie for Tom Arnold. It would give Jamie Lee Curtis something decent to do, guys could drool over a grown up Eliza Dushku, and maybe fans could be treated to another “cowardly performance” by Bill Paxton again. If Arnold ever returns to film, (which there is no doubt in my mind he will) I hope this is the first project he chooses.
8. Batman vs Superman Movie-I thought it was a very cruel joke to pull on fans by teasing them with a ‘Batman vs Superman’ movie poster being shown in ‘I am Legend.’ If they can’t even get a Justice League movie off the ground, I don’t think fans should be holding their breath for this superhero movie either.
9. Escape From Earth– John Carpenter fans will probably know what I’m talking about. Years ago, there was talk about the Snake Plissken films becoming a trilogy. Even though I much rather see the John Carpenter/Kurt Russell collaborations, ‘Big Trouble in Little China’ and ‘The Thing’ become a franchise, I was very excited at seeing another ‘Snake’ movie. Unfortunately, the talk has died down about a possible third installment after the commercial failure of ‘Escape From L.A.’ Also, because of the upcoming remake of ‘Escape of New York,’ a third film does NOT seem feasible.
10. Jurassic Park 4-For years we have heard about talks about another sequel to the popular ‘Jurassic Park’ franchise. Due to production delays, endless script revisions, and the WGA strike, the fourth installment is still currently in production hell. However, when the film does get made, I do have a few suggestions.
a) BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL CAST
We have seen all the original cast members return throughout the series, yet not all together in one sequel. Every time I watch ‘The Lost World,’ I miss Dr. Alan Grant’s presence. In the third film, I miss Ian Malcolm’s presence. If they do a sequel, hopefully they bring back EVERYBODY. (Even Julianne Moore and Vince Vaughn would be cool!)
b) BRING BACK THE T-REX
The Spinosaurus killing the T-rex so effortlessly in the third installment was f*cking bullsh*t.! I don’t want to see this f*cking fictional gigantic dinosaur who can somehow sneak up on its prey like a ninja and miraculously have a phone be heard from its stomach from miles away become the next alpha dinosaur in the series. The T-rex is the ULTIMATE bad ass dinosaur, and that’s how it should stay. (The raptors are a close second)
c) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD…FIND THE F*CKING CAN ALREADY!!
I don’t know why this has bothered me so much, but I never understood why the films never went back to this particular subplot in the series. Newman from Seinfeld dropped the can of DINO DNA in the mud after he was eaten. Why hasn’t it been found yet? It was such an obvious setup! USE IT!
d) GIVE ME A SEA MONSTER!
In the third film, it was hinted that we would have seen a sea dinosaur; however, it was just the stupid Spinosaurus in the water. Bullsh*t!
e) THIS ONE WON’T HAPPEN BUT….
Bring back Steven Spielberg as the director!
What are your choice films that you’ve been dying to see?
Other honorable ‘Don’t your breath’ mentions: Barberella, HALO, Six Million Dollar Man, and the new He-Man Movie
