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Asteroids The Movie
Ok, well all know that video game movies suck… and suck hard (I have the slightest glimmer of hope that the upcoming Prince of Persia MIGHT break the trend… but I’m not holding my breath). My basic argument as to WHY they all suck, is that games are not built for narrative storytelling. They’re developed for gameplay. Even in the largest scale game, when you break it down there is very little narrative in them, even though it might FEEL like there is more… there’s not.
So here comes news that Universal studio just spent a bunch of money to buy the right to develop… are you ready for this…. a movie based on the classic Atari game “Asteroids“.
ARE… YOU… FUCKING… KIDDING ME!?!?!?!
You had to pay MONEY for the rights to a story about… well… NOTHING??? It’s a triangle shitting out little dots hitting rock like objects. You’re going to build a MOVIE around that? Seriously?
Matt Lopez (Bedtime Stories, Race To Witch Mountain) has been attached to write the script… which should be all of about 4 pages.
What’s next? Pong The Movie?
Well they are making a movie base off the candyland board game. So hollywood and can a movie about anything.
But Candyland at least has a LAND! Asteroids doesn’t even have a vague plot to latch onto.
THE ROCKS>>>> SHOOOT THE BIG FLOATING ROCKS!
Roll Credits.
Why not make Checkers:the movie? At least they wouldn’t have to pay anyone for the rights. The sequel could be Chinese Checkers: Hong Kong Drift!
How do people get paid to create such crap? That’s the real genius of Hollywood.
John, you talked about movies being made for money. How would anyone think Asteroids: The Movie would make any money? Heck, I’ll send them a quarter NOT to make this movie.
Well as someone that has played Halo i can say that the story behind it is one that can carry on a really good movie, same with Zelda.
Remember that post “Hollywood is losing its creativity”? i posted that i only say that if a few things happen- this was number 2 i believe, movies about stupid shit…theyre making a MONOPOLY movie!!!!! THATS fucking stupid.
This, is also very retarded….
Actually…
Word on the street is…
Theyre planning on making a Pacman movie
Sorry to go off topic, but John if you check your mail, you’ll find a much more, if sad, movie related story.
And on topic…..they will make a movie about anything…if Cavemen from a dumbass add can get a show[short lived as it was]…anything is possible.
I’d like to say that it is your opinion that videogame movies suck, and film is subjective so you can’t know they that suck.
I am still waiting for Tetris.
When he makes the reference to video game movies sucking he is talking about the long stained and putrid track record of failed boxoffice and poor reviews of EVERY film that has been based on a Video Game.
But there was a time when Superhero movies were not taken seriously either, and that seems to have changed too. We can hold out hope, and yes film is subjective so you might like a few here and there, but for the most part, we have reason to anticipate that a movie based on a video game could suck.
On the opposite side of the scope…they are making an Uncharted:Drakes Fortune movie…that one may actually be a good video game movie.
I was ready to mention this as well, but you beat me. This game was heavily designed around the idea of a cinema experience, so this has a good chance of being good.
I loved the game, but I feel this is an instance where making it into a movie isn’t a smart move. Part of the reason that video game movies ALWAYS suck is becuase they’re choosing the wrong games to adapt into movies. If Uncharted became a film, it’s just going to be another “archaeologist action movie”. This has been perfected by Indiana Jones and done to the point of boredom with National Treasure and Tomb Raider. I don’t see how Uncharted will distinguish itself from the crowd.
Personally, I am and probably never will be bored of the archaeologist action movies. If Uncharted is as good as Indiana Jones or falls somewhere in between Indiana Jones and National Treasure I will be satisfied. Just because something has been done, does not rule out the possibility of something good coming out of it. And no, the action archaeologist movie has not been done to death.
I wouldn’t really get tired of archaeologist action movies either but Uncharted has little to distinguish itself in it’s own category. It’s just going to end up as another one of those archaeologist action movies, it doesn’t have enough differentiation from the previously mentioned films.
Accept that it touches on a piece of history that has not been touched by the previously listed movies. Some pretty sweet settings that were not in the other movies, like the submarine at the bottom of a waterfall! I can also imagine some pretty sweet shoot outs or gun play that really was not captured in the aforementioned movies. Tomb Raider had a bit of the gun play, but I picture this being far better in that regard. Sure all of them, accept National Treasure, had some jungle scenes, but a lot of history involved jungles! Now if Drake was after the Ark of the Covenant or the Grail, then sure it might not be worth it. Following a different historical path from the other movies listed is enough to set it apart for me, though.
Maybe.
NOT!
I think the failure of video game movies in the past has less to do with games being built for narrative storytelling and more to do with the fact that videogame movies tend to be made by hack filmmakers. Very few videogame movies actually follow the plot of their source material, whether or not that source is a narrative or not is pretty much irrelevent. The best video game movie to date (not saying much) is probably Silent Hill and that probably has less to do with how it was adapted and more to do with the fact that Roger Avary and Christophe Gans were the ones writing and directing.
“Very few videogame movies actually follow the plot of their source material,”
Because there isn’t much plot in them?
And while I liked Silent Hill, (but have disdain for its fanbase) I couldn’t help but notice that sequel talk awhile back was squashed…
If it’s that easy to pitch a stupid idea for a movie about nothing I have a Million Idea’s floating around in my head..
Wait for it….. Frisbee…. Ohh Snap….
Ohhhh And your not going to beleive this Rock, a biopic about the greatest wrestler of the last decade you ask, No…….A movie about the Greatest form of music created in the last 100 years? No it’s a movie about what a simple rock goes through in a 24 hour period…. There ya have it my 2 best idea’s. oscarworthy huh?
I remember a really good movie about the hula-hoop! You know, for kids! OK, so the Hudsucker Proxy was not exactly a movie about hula-hoops, but the hula-hoop did play a key role in the movie!!! :D I imagine Asteroids the movie is going to be about some asteroids plummeting towards earth and some trained spaceship fighter pilots will be sent into out to eliminate the asteroids before they destroy earth.
Love that movie. Cohen brothers rock… too bad you ruined about half the movie for those who havent seen it….
Eh, I figured if they haven’t seen it by now, they aren’t going too. If you haven’t seen a movie after it has been out for fifteen years, then you can complain about spoilers.
*can’t*
Why couldn’t they have said Centipede?
That’s what I would pitch, y’know.
Shooting up ’shrooms. Fightin’ fleas. That sort of thing.
hahahahahahahaha
*******
Can there be a movie out of “Asteroids”? I suppose maybe… there can be but the gag is it is an original script with little to any connection to the classic coin op game; it gets revamped to include 10 to 13 pages of Asteriod/renegade crazy Ivan/UFO stuff, then the script’s original title, whatever it was is erased and they now call it Asteroids to cash in on nostalgia.
Yes, Centipede would be 100% cooler, but hey…what do I know
Centipede could be tremors.
That would be funny if a dude walked up to his spaceship and it was a white triangle.
Lame!! I would see it if Albert Brooks was writing and directing and made a spoof movie with 8 bit special effects but an allstar cast. HE WOULD BE THE ONLY SPOOF VERSION I WOULD SEE!
Yeah whats next a movie based on ride from a theme park?
Lets face it a movie can be good or bad regardless of the source of inspiration, in this case why pay for something that clearly so generic that could do a movie about it without paying, is it a trademark issue? advertising?
“Yeah whats next a movie based on ride from a theme park?”
You mean like Pirates of the Caribbean.
i think thats what miguel is getting at.
and thats a good point.
a theme park ride has even less narrative then a video game yet we got a great film out of pirates. and i know I am in a minority but I got three great films out of it as I love them all.
Whats next? Pac-Man the movie?
while i agree that all game movies have sucked so far i do not understand how you can blame the fact that games apparently don’t have enough narrative yet champion so heavily a film based around a one paragraph synopsis on the back of an inanimate toy.(i am referring to the first transformers film)
there are a ton of games that have 20 times the amount of narrative as the back of a toy box does the problem is we have yet to see a property fall into the hands of genuine talent. go through the list of who has made these films and it is hardly a list of great film makers. it is either journeyman hacks happy to have have swindled another pay day or newcomers who wind up being completely controlled by studio notes and execs.
plus even if a game doesn’t have enough narrative it doesn’t matter. you hire a decent screen writer to create the narrative.
some of the games take place in worlds and situations that could make great films.
I mean when you strip most films down to there most basic synopsis there isn’t a huge amount there.
“One man trapped in a building taken over by terrorists.”
that is really when you boil it down all there is to die hard as an idea but you get a good screenwriter to write the script and then a good director to bring it to life.
again i agree they have all sucked so far but I just don’t see the the problem being the lack of narrative in games themselves.
plus half the time they take these games and then make huge changes to them anyway and strip away what was cool about the game in the first place.
Are they going to premiere this on Twitter?
LOL oh John you crack me up
I don’t agree with your view on video game stories when there are the Silent Hill’s, Final Fantasy’s and Metal Gear Solids of the world, but Asteroids? Really?
This has to be a joke.
Ya, I too like the Silent Hill movie allot and Advent Children. I’m really hopping the Bio Shock is gonna turn out good, if not the best we’ve seen yet, as well.
Hey, Hollywood is despite these days, so what can you do? They’re all frantically trying to come up with new ideas for movies, but the can’t pull a good idea out of there proverbial ass’s to save there own damn lives.
I can see it now, it will be like Top Gun in space mixed with Deep Impact. A huge space epic to save the world with style, woot!
LOL, but seriously, if they do just take what the game already is and make a movie out of it, it would just be pointless. And if they add a whole bunch of crap to make it into a “real movie”, just a little bit of added content will make it no longer really a movie based on the simple as hell game Asteroids, right? I wonder if they’re actually going to call the movie “Asteroids”. Man this is going to be so stupid.
Now that I think about it, I remember seeing a trailer for a movie version of, of all things, Tetris on YouTube a while back. The trailer was so stupid I’m not surprised I haven’t heard anything else about it. I’m not even sure if it was real or just a bad joke.
Funny how people can go and waste movies on terrible ideas. Tetris The movie.
I kinda agree with what Alfie was saying,
Since it doesn’t really have a story or plot or anything, it doesn’t have any expectations to live up to. If you’re making a movie about some well known game that has a great cinematic storyline, everyone’s gonna be expecting the movie to reflect that great game and they’ll be sorely disappointed when it doesn’t.
Since Asteroids doesn’t really have anything to it, it frees the Movie Studio to be creative (if that’s even possible) and come up with something new, or something along those lines…
But I’m just looking at the bright side here, I still think making an Asteroids movie is a fucking terrible idea.
Personally I am waiting for Dig Dug the movie, now that would be awesome. With Sean William Scott as Dug. You know it’s true.;)
I am wait for hungry hungry hippos
Perfectly good script available here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/94829/1/Asteroids_Festival_Among_the_Rocks
Starring Ben Affleck as that little triangle thing