xXx: State of the Union was a film I hadn’t seen yet… so with great reluctance I went to the theater last night to fulfil my duty of checking it out. I should have known I was in trouble when I stopped to chat with the manager of the theater… he asked me what I was seeing tonight… I told him “xXx”. He looked at me and said “You sure you wanna do that?”
Its hard to talk about all the things that were wrong with this film… so it’s easier to start with what was good:
1) The film started on time
2) All the credits seemed to be spelt correctly
3) There is a cool Aircraft Carrier
4) The film had an ending
After that, theres nothing much positive to say. Ice Cube (who has proved in the past that he can be pretty decent in supporting roles) was just awful and really miscast. Although don’t blame him too much… some of the horrible dialog that he had to say would have made John Malkovich look like the acting equivalent of Steven Segal. No, really. I’m not exaggerating. I think I must have said “oh wow” (in a bad way) to at least 15 really pathetic lines.
The visual effects were pretty decent… to 1995 standards. The plot was filled with so many holes that even your cougar aunt’s fishnet stockings would have looked like a concrete wall compared to it.
Samuel L. Jackson and Willem Dafoe are in a film playing backup roles to Ice Cube?!?!?! Am I the only one who smells something funny coming from the fridge?
A terrible film filled with terrible performances and a terrible plot. It’s a win-win if you’re into S&M and are looking for ways to punish yourself for a couple of hours tonight. Other than that, stay away from this joke that should have never been made into a film. Spend you money on something more socially constructive… like ale and whores.
