(A Dark Deep Gruff cool sounding narrators voice) The Movie Blog is pleased to present a movie review event of a generation. CAMPEA (sounds of 3 gun shots), NAGY (3 more gun shot sounds), presents: “A Double Feature Grindhouse Review”
JOHN’S THOUGHTS ON GRIND HOUSE
Grindhouse has been one of those movies on my radar for a year now. How can you not get excited about a double feature movie… directed by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez.. with a couple of over the top movies in one? I was pumped as hell. So opening night, off we go to see it… and… overall… I was disappointed.
First up we had a fake trailer for “Machete” (Directed by Rodriguez) which was FREAKING HILARIOUS! Easily the best of the fake trailers. Word is they’re actually talking about making this a REAL full length feature film. I’m all for it.
Next up was the Robert Rodriguez feature “Planet Terror”. Basically a zombie film… but man was it ever fun! Pure over the top ridiculous action/violence/gore that has you squirming and giggling the whole way through the movie. Much much fun. It wasn’t perfect… some of the over the top stuff was just dumb… some of the performances didn’t fit with the movie… and some of it felt a little dragged out. Having said that, the movie rocked the house and I really liked it. Generally speaking… I gave Planet Terror an 8 out of 10. I think you’ll love it.
After Planet Terror were 3 more fake trailers… none of which were as good as Machete. “Thanksgiving” (directed by Eli Roth of Hostel Fame) and “Don’t Scream” (by Shaun of the Dead director Edgar Wright) were pretty damn cute and likable. However, “Werewolf Women of the S.S.” (directed by Rob Zombie) was kind of a waste that most people seem to agree was the weakest of fakes (although Nicolas Cage showing up at the end of the trailer was pretty funny).
Finally came the movie I was most looking forward to, “Death Proof” with Kurt Russell. I’m not going to go into any details here other than to relate to you that this movie sucked serious ass. No really… it was TERRIBLE. Slow, slow, slow. Endless, mindless and pointless dialog between a bunch of women sitting in an apartment. Then Endless, mindless and pointless dialog between a bunch of women sitting in a car. Then Endless, mindless and pointless dialog between a bunch of women sitting in a bar. Then Endless, mindless and pointless dialog between a bunch of women sitting in a car again. Then Endless, mindless and pointless dialog between a bunch of women sitting in a coffee shop.
Kurt Russell did as well as he could… but they gave him almost nothing to do. The dude MAYBE had like 15 minutes of screen time in TOTAL which was extremely disappointing. I was looking forward to 90 minutes of Kurt Russell kicking ass, humping chicks and staring down armies with his most ferocious stare. What we got instead was “Girls who like to Talk: The Movie”. Boring as hell.
I will say this for Death Proof… the car scene that takes up the last 10-15 minutes of the movie was a FANTASTIC set piece. One of the best car chase scenes I’ve seen in the last couple of years. Great stuff, no doubt. But it was too little too late. The movie had lost me about 20 minutes into it, and 1 great scene doesn’t make up for the other hour and a bit that I had to sit through. Over all I gave Death Proof a 3 out of 10.
It also just boggles my mind that they would put such a slow boring film like Death Proof AFTER Planet Terror. I mean think about it. They start off with a wild fun ride in Planet Terror, and get us all juiced up… and then just slam the brakes on for Death Proof. If anything, they should have reversed them… that MIGHT have made Death Proof feel like less of a failure.
For Grindhouse overall… The awesomeness of Planet Terror just saves it. I’m giving Grindhouse as a whole a 6 out of 10. Go see it for sure… but then walk out when Death Proof starts, you’ll have a 100x better time. (3 gun shot sounds)
DOUG’S THOUGHTS ON GRINDHOUSE
Grindhouse was a positive movie event. Two Movies + 4 trailers = a movie experience that I enjoyed and hope to be a part of again. It was all the things I love about the drive in, or a movie party with good friends. The theatre I was in had a palpable buzz about it, and everyone was glad to be buckled in for the coaster ride.
The movie started with cool clips from yesteryear and set the stage beautifully for the gritty cinematic pill we were about to digest. Out of the gates we are kicked in the head with Planet Terror. Non fucking stop high octane action. Over the top machismo, over the top sexy, over the top violence. It is everything I like about old action movies – and Rodriguez added steroids. I give this movie a Routh rating, and can honestly say that I now consider it a favorite. On a scale, I’m giving Planet Terror a 10 out of 10.
The 4 trailers were a fantastic addition to the film. They added gobs of style to the movie experience and were shot in the dark, gritty fashion of old school budget horror films. I enjoyed all of them but consider machete my favorite and hope the rumors of it becoming a feature turn out to be true.
Death Proof was the movie I came to see and it started out of the gates like a crippled mule. The dialogue was boring, draining and went on for what seemed an eternity. Finally we saw Kurt Russell and the movie seemed to take a turn. He was suave as hell and was a perfect pick for the role. He could talk his way into the pants of Jesus and it was pure magic to see him as a villain. When he gets into the car the first time and starts to “hunt” it was down right fucking awesome.
I could not wait to see more, but sadly there was no more to be had. The movie grinds to a halt again with not one but two location shots full of dialogue! Finally we see a car chase scene that had cool parts to it, but did not blow me away. Kurt is wounded and then loses his fucking balls for some reason. In a movie where Kurt Russell kills people, not enough people fucking died. Less talk more rock could of made this a different fucking movie.
I think Tarantino wanted to make a car chase movie with Russ Meyer-esque super women. Sadly the women were not uber vixens; they were just annoying, and for a car film – not enough time was spent on the fuckin’ road. The car chase killing was a one shot teaser that just ended up infuriating me; reminding me what the movie could have been. This was a waste of Russell and a shit fucking film. I will never watch it again. I shit on this movie with a 3 out of 10
Overall the experience was rewarding; loved the first film, hated the second. Sadly watching Death Proof was like passing stones of frustration the size of Kurt Russell. (3 guns shot sounds… followed by swanky sax music)
