I will not lie to you folks. Going into Pirates 3, I was expecting it to suck. I had a strong dislike for Pirates 2 and was not really expecting much from this one either. I have been wrong before, so I tried my best to remain a neutral observer.
Let me focus first on the things I enjoyed about this film. First off this film has jaw dropping, fantastic special effects. I could not believe how awesome everything looked. The crustacean crew looked awesome and no effect stood out to me as “fake.” This is important for me to stay “immersed” in the film and I have to nod my hat to the people that did the effects, they were superb and easily the best part of the film.
The sets were also fantastic and the costuming was delightful. Something that was surprisingly good was the cameo by Keith Richards. Richards did a fantastic job as the father of Capt. Jack. I thought that this would come off as pure unfiltered cheese, but it was a great cameo and was probably the highlight of the film for me.
Now onto the things I disliked about the film. This movie is long, way too long and yet somehow managed to be bloated. It is so crammed full of shit for a 3 hour film, it is astounding. There is so much time spent on various alliances, double crosses, and deal negotiations that you lose track of who is on whose side, and sadly you don’t care.
For an action/adventure film there is not a lot of action and/or adventure. There is lots of gums flapping, lots of boats chasing boats and lots of people sulking about their failing relationships. For a film with so much in it, I was terribly, terribly bored.
By the end battle I was apathetic, lots was happening and yet I didn’t care. Things tied up for some characters; for others you are left thinking “where did they go?” The series that once focused on Jack Sparrow instead seemed to change gears and focus on everyone else, and the movie suffered for it. This movie is the best looking, unenjoyable film I have ever seen. This summer’s blockbusters continue to let me down like a Mormon prom date.
On a scale of No, Go or Routh – I give it a No.
