Fine, I’ll be the bad guy. I’ll say what everyone knows is the common sense thing to do, but will have everyone totally disagree. But I’m sorry… it’s time to ban the damn cell phones from the Movie Theaters. For a couple of reasons:
1) Piracy
I’ve said for years that studios hyper exaggerate the damage piracy does on their business, and that going after people for downloading movies is a waste of time and a misplacement of their efforts (you can’t blame a guy for picking up a $20 bill he see sitting on the street). However, focus the efforts on those who record or upload the movies. That’s how you fight piracy… those are the guilty people… not 15 year old Bobby sitting in his room downloading “The Girl Next Door”.
The camera and video capabilities of cell phones has come a long way. As a matter of fact, the first Simpsons copy that got online and originated from Australia, was recorded on a Cell Phone device. The movie was then downloaded over 150,000 times. Clearly this is a problem.
2) Text Messaging
Seeing little lights popping up in the theaters with the quiet little “beep beep bo beep” sounds of people fucking text messaging, and giggling along the way while the movie is on drive me up the frigging wall. No, it’s not as bad as people TALKING on their cell phones… but thats like saying being hit in the head with two baseball bats isn’t as bad as being hit by seven. It’s still a pain in the ass!
3) Ringing Phones
I’m sitting there watching a movie, getting into it… soaking in it… and then a fucking ringtone of 50 Cent “In Da Club” goes off. GGRRRAAAGGGHHHGG!!!!!! I’m a gentle soul by nature… but I want to drag those people out into the streets and kick the shit out of them so they can walk with a limp like their ringtone hero. How hard is it? You walk into a theater… TURN THE DAMN PHONE OFF!
4) Talking On The Phone
Sometimes a cell phone goes off, and the guilty person just honestly forgot to turn it off. They should still be beaten… just not executed. Mistakes can happen. But people who pull out their phone…. call someone… or answer it… and start TALKING… jam a pack of razors up their asses and then pour a bottle of vinegar up there. The pure inconsideration of these people leave us no choice but to cleanse them from the earth. I didn’t pay $11 to come in here and listen to you TALK!!!! SHUT… THE HELL… UP!
And I’m sorry… but unless your name has the letters M.D. at the end of it, you don’t NEEEEEDDDDD to have your cell phone on you 24/7. The human race seems to have survived up to about 12 years ago when not everyone had them. You’re 19 years old, I’m sure you’re not about to get a call from President Bush to run off and stop a terrorist threat. I’m sure you can go 90 minutes without the stupid phone. Someone needs you? They can leave a message an you can call them right back in an hour. For decades parents all over America went out to the movies without their babysitter being able to reach them that very second. And yet… children everywhere survived. Yours will too. Or just leave the number of the theater you’ll be at in case a life or death situation comes up.
I’ve gone to a lot of screenings where no cell phones are allowed in the theaters. And it’s no big deal at all. You just leave your phone in the car. Simple. Didn’t come in a car? Ok, they had an easy check in system… it was easier than checking your coat at the club. You give them your phone… they give you a ticket, and then when you come out you just pick your phone back up. It’s NOT A BIG DEAL. And I’m sorry… but if you can go to a club on a Friday night and exist in there for 2 hours without being able to hear your phone… then I think you can be courteous enough to the other people in the movie theater to be without your cell for 2 hours.
I’ve yet to hear one single valid reason why people should have their cell phones on them in the movie theater. Not one. As I said earlier, the human race existed just fine without them until 12 years ago… I think we can survive 90 minutes. Just a thought.
As in everything in life there are exceptions. Doctors (as I mentioned above) for instance. Play devils advocate for a minute… what would be solid valid reasons why people in general should have their cell phones on them in the movie theater?
