Love stories never make me cry. As a matter of fact almost nothing makes me cry in the movies. To date, only 2 films in history have made me cry. But let me tell you somehing… there are a bunch of movies that have brought me to the verge of tears, not because of love or romantic gestures… bur rather MACHONESS!
That’s right, Machoness has, on several occasions got me choked up. Not just any kind of chest thumping Machoness… but Machoness so pure, used in the aide or defense of others… Machoness with a purpose. Yes my friends… sometimes we as men see an act of such pure macho, that it inspires us and shakes us to our foundations! We cannot help but be moved by them… be captured b them… to stand and salute and yes… almost be brought to tears by them.
The following are the 7 most macho movie scenes that almost brings any man to the point of tears! They are as follows:
1) I offer myself as your new brother (Best of the Best)
It’s a scene so macho it rocks you to your core. Dae Han, the most brutal of warriors was defeated and yet claimed victory because his opponent showed him mercy… an opponent who’s brother was killed at Da Han’s hands in another tournament years ago. Broken and battered, Dae Han limps over to his opponent… takes the gold medal off from around his own neck and places it on his opponents. He bows, expresses his regret over the death of the man’s brother and offers himself as his new brother. Hell yes! A warrior filled with honor and nobility. So bloody macho it nearly makes you cry
2) I’m Sparticus! No I’m Sparticus! (Sparticus)
It is a scene that will go down in legend. The slave army that rebeled against the Roman empire and nearly won now lay defeated. The Roman’s offer a sliver of mercy if the defeated soldiers reveal who their leader is… which one of them is Sparticus. They want to make an example out of Sparticus and crucify and torture him. But instead of taking the cowards way out, one by one the slave soldiers stand and proclaim “I am Sparticus!”. “No… I am Sparticus”. Loyalty to the very end! If you are not moved by this scene, you have no honor.
3) The redemption of Boromir (The Lord of the Rings)
He is my favorite characer in all of fiction. Boromir, the brave son of Gondor, next in line to be steward of the kingdom of men, all too human and succumb to the temptations of the Ring of power and tried to steal it from Frodo… later in a brilliant blaze of glory finds redemption when he leaps into unwinnable odds to valiantly and individually try to save Merry and Pippin from the Orcish monsters trying to take them. With purity of focus and all the might of men in his sword, Boromir slays countless Orcs before finally falling with his body riddled with arrows. His valiant charge in the name of redemption, loyalty and honor is a level of macho most of us will never know. All hail Boromir! DAMN THIS TEAR IN MY EYE!
4) Good Bye (Terminator 2)
Having gone beyond his mission to save John Conor, the Terminator realizes his purpose is also for the protection of all mankind. The only way to ensure the coming machine apocalypse is averted is to lower himself into the molten steel and destroy himself. An argument could be made that since he was a robot it shouldn’t really count… I say macho is macho… machine or not!
5) You go… we go (Backdraft)
Kurt Russell has discovered the identity of the killer who has been murdering people with fire… one of his lifelong friends! But even at the end, when the killer is dangling from an 80 foot drop to certain death, Kurt hangs on to him… even though he has no chance of saving him. The killer, filled with remorse looks up at Russell and says “Let me go”… he realizes there is no saving him. But Russell will have none of that. Macho doesn’t let go. Russell… struggling to hold on looks the man in the eyes and say those immortal words: “You go… we go”. And he stayed true to that as he held on until they both fell to what would be their deaths. M-A-C-H-O
6) Palpatine gets the shaft (Return of the Jedi)
Growing up, the earliest lesson I learned in life was “don’t fuck with Darth Vader”, as it turns out that applies to you even if your name is emperor Palpatine. In one of the greatest moments in cinematic history, the all powerful emperor is standing over Luke, slowly killing him with his force lightning. Vader stands there watching, conflicted, confused… to defy the Emperor would be foolishness. And then it happens… Vader has a moment of clarity and thinks to himslef “Fuck this… I’m Darth fucking Vader and this bitch is messing with my spawn”. Vader grabs the Emperor and hurls him down the shaft. Movie…. MAGIC.
7) The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few… or the one (Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan)
When one thinks of “Macho”, you would be forgiven if Vulcans don’t instantly pop into your mind. But when Spock, in The Wrath of Khan knocks out MaCoy so he himself can go into the radiation and face certain death in order to try to save the ship and his friends… how can you not stand at full attention with your hand over your heart and profess “Spock was one macho Vulcan”! Who knew that pure logic: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one” could lead you to the glorious road of eternal machoness!
