Rumour is hitting the net today that Uwe Boll is setting his sights on another video game adaptation. Metroid could be getting the Boll taint, and the rumour also says that Jessica Simpson is his choice for Samus!
Simpson would play the heroine, Samus, in the film based on the 1980s Nintendo game. If one thing needed to change in this scenario, it’s Metroid. You’d want Uwe to direct the worst possible video game adaptation he could…again, especially if by some stroke of ridiculously good fortune it was to be the dream collaboration with Daisy Duke 2.0.
I am more concerned about Uwe Boll directing another video game adaptation. I am sure it would be standard Boll fare, and for most of the movie, Metroid would be in the armour, so not worried about Simpson.
The spoiler is out, so the big reveal that all along Samus was a girl would be an anticlimactic spill, but a CG Samus the whole movie and Simpson making so much as a cameo at the end taking off the helmet to reveal long curly blond locks and a pretty face isn’t the worst idea in the world.
I actually liked Simpson as Daisy Duke, as much as I didn’t like that version of the film (Beginnings is better and that Daisy is hotter) but she plays the southern belle eyecandy just fine.
But with Simpson going plus sized, her head and shampoo commercial worthy hair is all they need for a Samus reveal.
But it might all be a rumour that Uwe even has the Metroid property in his psychotic hands anyways.
