What Would Celebrities Be Doing if They Weren't Famous?

Have you ever wondered about what celebrities would be if they weren’t famous? No matter what career we are all trying to pursue, we all (should) have a back up plan.(Even celebrities) Sometimes I wonder if celebrities have realized they have found their true calling by the roles some of them constantly pick. Sometimes, you may notice a striking quality in them, and just know where their paths would have lead if they hadn’t become actors. So here is my list of what occupations certain celebrities would probably be able to excel at if they weren’t in the spotlight.

Clive Owen-Babysitter/Bodyguard extraordinaire
I think Clive Owen would be a perfect bodyguard. He has proven in ‘Children of Men’ and ‘Shoot em up’ that he could also definitely be a great “care-taker” of babies. He never would let you down, and would literally risk his life to protect you.

Sarah Michelle Gellar-spiritual advisor

There has to be some kind of reason why Sarah Michelle Gellar is constantly drawn to the paranormal movies. (The Grudge, The Grudge 2, The Return, Possession) I feel she could have been great telling fortunes, and reading palms, and talking to the deceased. This probably would have been a better choice for her in the long run. She would have been able to predict the deterioration of her film career, and therefore saved some time.

Tom Cruise-Olympic Sprinter

If Tom Cruise wasn’t an actor, I bet that he would have been in the Olympics by now. When he runs in his movies, (which is quite frequent) it’s as if an imaginary starter pistol has gone off in his head. Every time I see him sprinting away, I feel as if he should be jumping hurdles and holding a baton in his hand.

Jessica Alba-Casino Girl

I really think Jessica Alba would have been great as a girl who lures men to lose their gambled money in the casinos by making them wish she would blow on their dice. I think she would be perfect for this because it’s not much different than what she’s doing now. Her gorgeous looks usually makes men gamble their money when they go to see the shitty films she’s in, because they still wish she would blow on their…dice.

Jason Statham-Race Car Driver

Many people who go see Jason Statham movies usually go to see him kick some ass. However, just like Jean Claude Van Damme is known for the obligatory shots of his ass during sex scenes in his action movies, Jason is also known for his obligatory high speed car chase sequences. Whether it’s driving through high rise buildings, tunnels, or shopping malls, Jason usually ends up unscathed. (No wonder he was cast in the ‘Death Race’ remake.) He could probably give Dale Earnhardt Jr. a run for his money.

Jessica Simpson-mannequin

Jessica Simpson has proven in her movies, ‘Employee of the Month’ and ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ that she is only capable of looking pretty. (Jesus, her wax replica at Madame Tussand’s embodies more life than she does!) Forget the ‘Pretty Woman’ remake…if Jessica was to star in a remake, I would recommend her to star in a remake to the cheesy eighties film, ‘Mannequin.’

Tyler Perry-“Dear Abby” columnist

Tyler Perry has blown up recently with his films like ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman,’ ‘Why Did I get Married?’ and ‘Daddy’s Little Girls’ which all deal with solving relationships issues and becoming a stronger person in the process. I really feel this man could have a column for the helpful advice he offers through his films. He could even be in character: “Dear Madea.”

Kathleen Turner-Phone Sex Operator

Kathleen Turner has probably the most distinctive voice out of any celebrity, because her sultry voice is usually an instant aphrodisiac for men all around. (Seriously, I know about 3 of my guy friends who admitted to being a little turned on when she voiced Jessica Rabbit and was playing patty cake in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’) If she hadn’t become an actress, I’m pretty sure she would have been charging 3.99 a minute for sexy conversations.

Fifty Cent-President of the United States

Sorry, I’m just f*cking with you. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention! Ha!

William Shatner-William Shatner Impersonator

If William Shatner stopped acting after ‘Star Trek’ and ‘T.J Hooker,’ I’m pretty sure he still could have made a career out of his impersonating himself. He’s already used to playing himself in every film he’s in anyways.

Linda Fiorentino-Dominatrix

Wow, I know that suggestion sounds quite ludicrous, but hear me out. In almost every movie I’ve seen this actress in, (aside from ‘M.I.B’ and ‘Dogma’) she usually gives me the impression that she’s probably very controlling and most likely a sadist in bed. Hmm….come to think of it, I haven’t seen this actress onscreen in a LONG time. Maybe my dominatrix theory is not as ludicrous as I thought.

George Clooney-Thief

George Clooney is used to stealing scenes, stealing people’s breath away, and stealing tons money in his film roles. Why is he so attracted to these roles? All I have to say is this man would probably be rich if he hadn’t become an actor….whether he earned the money or not. ;)

Robert DeNiro-Mob boss