You Can’t Make A Good PG-13 Horror Movie

Why am I not seeing any great horror movies anymore? The last decent horror movie saw I was the remake of Dawn of the Dead. This lack of delicious viloence is starting to drive me crazy.

Is it to much to ask for that when the monster gets some one, I get to see it bite their head off? Is it to much to ask that when the crazy phsyco hits someone in the head with an axe, I don’t have to see some lame silouette? Am I crossing the line by saying the only time I want to see Dakota Fanning in a horror movie is if she is being ripped in half by the creature from beyond?

I don’t think so.

What happened to the days where horror movies pushed the limits of what we could stomach to watch, why have they become about being marketed as stylized dumbed down thrillers?

Miles wants Bruce Campbell to go crazy and cut off his hand, then blow off a demon’s head with a shotgun, then to top it off I want him to crack wise, dammit.

In fact, I demand it!

Hear that Hollywood? I don’t want your dirty “horror” movies unless they adhere to the following recipe:

20% Cool Monster

10% Heaving Breasts

25% Senseless Viloence

5% Story

15% Crackin’ Wise

15% Heavy Metal Music Blasting As People Fight With Chainsaws

10% Suprise

Now that equals 100% entertainment you jerks.

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