Can you imagine the uproar if the new Superman movie was re-worked so that Superman is actually a guy named Eddie Sanchez who works as a dish washer in Toronto, who was given super powers by correctly finishing a crossword puzzle in a newspaper that a Gypsy witch had accidentally sneezed on the day before? People would be PISSED. Rightly so. Whoever came up with the idea of screwing around with Catwoman should be shot. Sorry, “shot” might not be appropriate. I meant beaten‚Ķ and THEN shot. Someone needs to lose their job over this.
Yes, we all knew for a very long time that Catwoman wasn’t going to be very good. It’s just something you could tell from a mile away. But at the same time I held out some small hope, some fleeting belief that somehow, someway, this movie would surprise me. That by some miracle Catwoman would end up being at least moderately enjoyable. That perhaps if the stars aligned properly, and if I was wearing my lucky underwear I could at least say the movie was fun. Within about 15 minutes after the HORRIBLE opening credits, my hopes were obliterated and smashed to pieces like a computer class nerd goosing the head cheerleader‚Ķ in front of her football team captain boyfriend‚Ķ and the rest of his team. That my friend is a long painful beating, believe you me. Such was the experience of watching Catwoman.
Go on… keep reading.
First of all, and this has been mentioned elsewhere a thousand times, the real Catwoman character is NOT some woman named Patience Phillips, she didn’t have any superhuman powers or abilities, and she CERTAINLY didn’t get endowed with such powers from a supernatural Egyptian cat with the ability to bring people back to life. This was the film’s first (and I only say FIRST) huge mistake.
The second mistake was getting some clown who calls himself only “Pitof” to direct the film. A guy taking on a project like this one, who had NEVER directed a wide release motion picture before. What the HELL was the studio thinking?!?! The direction in this movie was HORRIBLE.
The Dialogue throughout the entire film was just painful to listen to. The editing was amateurish at best. And the acting‚Ķ oh the acting. You have to understand that I think Halle Berry is one hell of an actress. She is amazingly talented. BUT, she was just AWFUL in this film. No, seriously. She was just terrible. She just doesn’t fit into the superhero genre (see X-Men 1 & 2 to see what I’m talking about). Sharon Stone (who I also like) made the movie laughable, and poor Benjamin Bratt was doing the best he could with easily the worst material that’s ever been given to him in his career.
Folks, seriously, the only redeeming thing about this movie (besides the fact that it had an ending) was the presence of Lambert Wilson, who played the COOLEST character in the Matrix films, “The Merovingian”. This guy just bleeds cool, hope to see him in a LOT more films soon.
This was easily the worst film I’ve seen since Battlefield Earth, and the first truly bad comic book film since the last Batman. Let’s hope this one doesn’t kill the genre like Batman did.
I give Catwoman, a generous 2/10.
